


ghast

by Precipice



Series: i will gaze into the darkness just to see you [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, alright alright alright, being abused and being unable to articulate your experiences, you know what’s more fucked up than lucid dreaming?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 04:23:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18843568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Precipice/pseuds/Precipice
Summary: thisvery wronghe knows[ a vignette ]





	ghast

Ben Solo hates sleeping.

He hates it with an instinctive and inexplicable passion, to the point where it is less of a feeling and more of a feature.

Because feelings are evoked, whereas features… simply are.

Features such as black hair

(which only Ben seems to have, since Mom and Dad have brown hair, and Uncle is blond)

(Leia's fingers are featherlight in her baby's downy hair. "I wonder where he got the color from.")

or beauty marks

(of which Ben seems to have more than everyone else in his small family combined)

(Han's calloused thumb strokes his toddler's soft cheek. "Favorite spot, right here.")

or…

(fear)

("What's wrong?")

… or…

(anger)

("What's wrong with him?")

…or _this_.

***

Ben Solo is not afraid of the dark.

Ben Solo is not afraid to sleep alone.

***

If anybody asked

(but nobody did)

(not really)

Ben would not know what to say – at best, he would point out some convenient circumstance or other

(“I really wanna finish my storybook, it just got to the good part.”)

(“Mom’s still not back from Senate an’ I wanna wish her good night.”)

(“I’m drawin’ Chewie, and I hafta paint all his fur.”)

and at worst, he would pretend he did not hear the question.

(“Ain’tcha past your bedtime, kid?”)

Because Ben knows – and it is an instinctive and inexplicable knowledge, like breathing or crying – that something _very wrong_ happens while he sleeps.

***

Ben Solo hates sleeping.

But still, he falls asleep, every now and then – his small bones tired and his thin eyelids heavy and…

… and…

… the darkness blooms – inside his bones, beneath his eyelids – and there is

(something)

someone in the dark, and they speak to Ben.

They speak for so long and so fast, they run out of breath.

Ben can feel their wheezing warmth – on his cheek, on his neck, in his hair, in his ear – and he cannot do anything about, neither twist away nor cry out.

He can only lie there, simultaneously abandoned and besieged in his tiny bed, and wait till it’s over.

When he wakes up, he can never remember what the voice was saying, and he does not want to remember, either.

But still, _he_ _knows_.

***

Ben Solo is not afraid of the dark.

(He is afraid of who - of what - waits for him in the dark.)

Ben Solo is not afraid to sleep alone.

(He never sleeps alone.)

**Author's Note:**

> ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
> 
> come talk 2 me about ur snoke & ben theories


End file.
